Oye, am I late. But the freaks are a forgiving bunch. Here they are in all their glory. The weird, freaky, and sometimes adorable search terms people used to find my blog. If you see yours on here, remember, I’m not judging you, but everyone else is.
10. nicely played, mr stephen king – I like this one because it’s worded in such a way to give the impression that this person was in the middle of an actual conversation with Stephen King. Nicely played, anonymous googler.
9. bigfoot face to face – Sounds like a promo for an Oprah show. “Coming up next, Bigfoot face-to-face.”
8. stefanie meyer – Spelling fail. Most people get the last name wrong. Way to be different, anonymous googler.
7. ed asner bare chested – Not shirtless, but bare chested. It almost makes Ed Asner come off as sexy… Oh, man, now I’m really going to get some freaky search terms torpedoing my blog.
6. successful husband – Quick tell my wife that someone searching for a successful husband was directed to my blog… On second thought don’t. Then I’ll have to explain why everyone looking for a shirtless Ed Anser is directed to my blog.
5. christorpher walking fat boy slim – You see why spelling matters? Now everyone thinks Fatboy Slim has a bladder problem and some guy named Christopher is forced to walk him. Okay, that’s what I think, anyway.
4. where do humans come on the food chain – What an odd question. I guess it’s useful information if you’re about to walk into the jungle or dive into the waters off the coast of Australia, but my impression is that most people searching for this kind of information on the internet aren’t really putting themselves in places where predators lurk about.
3. peyton manning shirtless – Peyton’s first appearance on the shirtless charts. I’m sure he’ll cherish this forever.
2. jerry seinfeld nude – And I thought Jerry Seinfeld shirtless was bad. Seriously, we all know Seinfeld pretty well by now. Does he seem like the kind of guy who would have nude pictures of himself lying around anywhere?
And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:
1. zak bagans hairy pits picture – Ewww and yuk and barf nuggets. Really? Sometimes I imagine that celebrities are so insecure that they google weird stuff about themselves. I almost believe that Zak was out one night, and he noticed that his hairy pits were showing so he hurried home to see if any of the paparazzi got a picture of it.