South Carolina is Dysfunctionalicious!


Okay, we have a sitting governor who disappeared last year and turned up a few days later to declare the love of his life was some woman in Argentina… Oh, and she’s not his wife.  He apologized to his wife and kids in a press conference.  His wife divorced him. The state legislature accused him of spending public money to fund his disappearing act.  They tried to impeach him, but fell short.  Now he pretty much vetoes every bill they pass.

Never fear, the election is here.  We can put somebody new in office and put this whole nationally embarrassing mess behind us.  Oh, wait… this is South Carolina politics.  We specialize in embarrassing messes.  The current Lieutenant Governor decides to run.  He immediately compares poor people to animals by saying if you feed them they never go away.  Then a blogger comes out and declares he had sex with the leading GOP candidate.  She denied it.  Then the Lieutenant Governor’s very effeminate campaign manager also claims he had sex with her.  She giggled.  The campaign manager’s proof that he had sex with her is that he took a lie detector test and the results were inconclusive.  On another front, another supporter of the Lieutenant Governor made a racist remark about the woman because she is of Indian descent. The result of the scandal and attack?  She won the GOP primary in a landslide.  Who won the Democrat primary?  Who knows?  The GOP occupied every inch of the spotlight.  All we know is that a blogger may or may not have had sex, and the woman who won the GOP is the TEA party’s candidate.

The Democrats had their gaffe, too.  They had a primary in a Senate race.  The winner takes on Republican Senator Jim DeMint in November.  There were two men in the race.  One is a professional state politician. The other is an unemployed veteran living with his parents who has never held political office.  His campaign strategy?  Do nothing.  To be fair, I don’t recall seeing ads for his opponent either, but he claims he spent some money.  Who won?  The unemployed veteran, who oh by the way, has a pending obscenity charge against him.  He didn’t just win.  He won with 60% of the vote.  The loser is claiming the GOP paid the winner’s $10,500 filing fee, and he’s also claiming the voting machines malfunctioned and gave the unemployed veteran vote’s he didn’t deserve.  The loser’s official complaint is that the polling facilities used surplus voting machines that were thrown out by Louisiana because they… well, didn’t work properly.  The trouble is the state said they didn’t buy surplus voting machines from anyone.  They’re brand spanking new.

Is there any way we the citizens of South Carolina can succeed from our state? I don’t want to leave.  Charleston is beautiful.  I’m here to stay.  I just don’t want these idiots representing me.

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