In an omen that does not bode well for the Razorbacks in tonight’s Sugar Bowl, around 3,000 blackbirds fell out of the sky last week in Arkansas, and 100,000 fish died in a nearby river. No big deal, right? Right? C’mon, say right!
Things are getting freaky. Turns out hundreds of birds fell out of the sky in Louisiana this week, too. What is going on? The only reason I’m fixated on this right now is because I was on a red-eye last week that flew over Arkansas, and I got sick on the plane. I never get sick on planes. I wrote it off to there being something wrong with the cabin pressure because it felt very much like altitude sickness (which I’ve had numerous bouts with), but now I’m starting to think maybe the same thing that got the birds and the fish got me, too. I had a migraine yesterday without the head pain (people who’ve had migraines before will know what I mean), and a nose bleed. And, to top it off, my wife and I both haven’t been able to sleep very well since we returned.
So, either the aliens are running tests on me, or I got zapped by some secret government weapon, or this is all just a big coincidence that I’m blowing way out of proportion (what are the chances of that?). I think the answer is clear. The aliens have arrived, and their probing doesn’t agree with me. I wonder if they’ll let me take the non-probing tests. Aliens, if you’re reading this, I do much better with essay questions than anal probes.