So, some industrious and creepy programmer has developed an app for Facebook that notifies you when the girl or guy of your dreams suddenly becomes single. It’s called Breakup Notifier, and it does just that. You engage the app, pick the person or persons currently in relationships that you have your eye on, and then sit back and wait for their relationship to fall apart. You can then be the first to swoop in and win the affections of that now broken-hearted hottie on your list. However, this strategy will relegate you to the roll of “rebound guy.” My advice is to wait until you get the second breakup notice on someone before you step in, or wait until I finish my app Rebound Dumped to make your move.
I’m kidding, of course. I’m not smart enough to develop an app for Facebook or Twitter or anything that requires an app. I’m app-less. I have no app-titude. I’m… you get the point. I do have some ideas for apps that I’d like to see, however. If you have app skills, work on these and I’ll sign up.
- Apocalypse Notifier – I would like to know when the bombs start falling. I’d just like the time to get my affairs in order, call all my loved ones and wish them a fond farewell, and get plenty of stretching in so I can guess my ass goodbye without pulling a muscle.
- Ashton Kutcher Movie Alert – I’d like to know when Ashton Kutcher has a movie opening in a theater near me, so I can totally avoid that movie theater. It’s not so much his acting that bothers me. It’s the people who would actually pay to see an Ashton Kutcher movie that scare me.
- The Un-Unrest in the Middle East Alert – I’d like to be notified when a story comes out about the Middle East that doesn’t involve guns and violence and beheadings and violations of human rights, etc. and so on. Basically, I just want the feel-good crap that allows me to hide in my rose-colored glasses existence (until I get the email from my Apocalypse Notifier).
- Charlie Sheen Tracker – It’s my belief that we can knock out half of this countries cocaine supply if we just monitor Charlie Sheen’s every movement.
- Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga Watch – I’ve never seen Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga in the same place at the same time. Makes you think doesn’t it? Could they be… I don’t know… the same person?! If they ever are seen together, I want an app that will alert me of the event, so I can have proof that they are indeed two different people.
Now that I’ve insulted several people who can crush me, I think it’s time to move on. Feel free to list your app list in the comments section.