Maybe it’s because I’m cynical or maybe it’s because I’ve seen it hundred times before or maybe it’s just because I’m over it… whatever the reason, there are things that I find so tired and uninspiring, that I actually find it annoying other people get joy out of it or they’re surprised by it. Does that make me a terrible person? Here’s my list of things I’ve over.
Dunks – The slam dunk in the NBA is so twentieth century. If you play professional basketball and you can’t dunk, you might want to find another line of work. It actually makes me angry when I see a headline online for a video of a slam dunk in an NBA game. Really? You mean a guy a foot taller than me can jump up and stuff a basketball in a hoop? Wow! Next you’ll be telling me that Dolphins can swim.
The Truth commercials – I don’t smoke. I don’t condone smoking. I think smoking is an outrageously stupid thing to do. However, every time I see one of those “The Truth” anti-smoking commercials, I want to run out and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke until my lungs explode. They just piss me off. They’re so preachy and guilt centric, a league of old Catholic mothers have to be behind them.
Vampires – It’s done. It’s over. Stake them in the heart and get over it. Vampires aren’t cool anymore. Sorry, True Blood! You’re almost tolerable, but unfortunately, you’re the victim a of pretty-boy infused overly-saturated genre that resembles the waning days of Studio 54 instead of an ascending trend.
The term “My gays” – You should insert Lady Gaga’s likeness into your brain as you read this particular complaint. I support same sex marriage. I think it’s embarrassing that as a society we allow someone to be stripped of their civil rights just because of whom they love. However, I hate the term “My gays.” Mostly because it’s used by self-important celebrities who want to be seen as forward thinking and tolerant so badly that they present themselves as worshipped by the disenfranchised homosexual masses. Personally, I find it offensive that a term that suggests ownership of one group by someone is being so widely used. Talk about a civil rights faux pas.
Reality TV – Do we really have to be endlessly reminded how many douche bags there are in the world? I’ve seen enough of the culture of dolts in this country to know I don’t want to see anymore. We’ve turned infamy into a sick and depraved brass ring of fame that the dangerously stupid will stop at nothing to grasp onto. If they were just hurting themselves, I wouldn’t mind so much, but these idiots are actually adding to their ranks at an alarming rate through their drunken and mindless mating rituals. As long as they are given a forum to showcase their deeply dimwitted lifestyles, they will never go away.
I’m sure there are more I can think of, but I don’t want to drown you in old man angst and pet peevery all at once. I’ll let it drip from my leaky gray matter over time. I’m R.W. Ridley and these are the things that make me cranky.