For the sake of argument, let’s say the Ketchum report, the Erickson Project, the Olympic Project, and David Paulides (did I miss anyone?) all produce conclusive proof that there is such a creature as Bigfoot. I can already hear some of you out there snickering. I said “For the sake of argument,” so go with it. Yes, it will pose huge anthropological implications for humans. It will test this country’s reliance on our own natural resources. It will push our government to take an even more restrictive approach to protecting forested lands. Basically it would create a perfect storm of ideological conflict all over the planet.
But those questions are much too heady for my simple brain. What I want to know is does Bigfoot get high? Silly question, you say? Not so silly, I retort! There was a recent story on the Chicago Tribune website about the discovery of a large marijuana farm hidden within Chequamegon-Nicolet National Forest in northern Wisconsin. For those of you who don’t know, National Forests are prime Bigfoot hangout spots. The eight-foot-tall, hairy, bipedal, dude is a big fan of the great outdoors, especially where it’s particularly dense with trees for hiding and critters for eating.
This cannabis find is not an isolated event. It happens quite regularly. When I was a young man, even I came across some marijuana plants in the woods. Pot growers will plant their seed anywhere they think it is out of sight of the prying eyes of state and federal officials.
So, does Bigfoot take advantage of the ganja planted in their backyards? I’m not suggesting that the big guy is firing up a fatty. I’m wondering if this currently unknown species of Hominid eats the 5 to 9 distinctive leaflets of the plant. The plant has a very distinctive odor and does have some legitimate medicinal purposes. By all accounts (although mythical they may be), Bigfoot is a higher order primate that displays sophisticated critical thinking skills. It only stands to reason that they are aware of the plants health and healing benefits. Couldn’t one deduce that such a creature does indeed consume its fair share of cannabis and in the process, party like a frat boy? Let’s face it; a euphoric feeling is an unavoidable side effect of marijuana, no matter how it gets into your system.
So what say you, dear reader? Is Bigfoot a pothead?