I love Chinese food, but here’s a little delicacy I wouldn’t try even if you used the most extreme measures of torture on me. I’m talking something awful like making me watch a Desperate Housewives marathon or sit through one single minute of the second Sex and the City movie… again. A zookeeper at the Wuhan Zoo in China must have drawn the short straw at work one day because he licked a monkey’s butt for an hour to help it poop. As disgusting as that last sentence was, let me repeat it in all caps; HE LICKED A MONKEY’S BUTT FOR AN HOUR TO HELP IT POOP! Take some time to gather your thoughts before you read on.
I’d like to say the story behind the butt licking is sweet, and I suppose if you can get past the visual it induces it is, but I just can’t get past it. It’s really just terribly, horribly, disturbingly gross. What would cause a grown man to lick a monkey’s butt? Visitors at the zoo threw peanuts into the monkey’s enclosure, and one of the younger monkeys that had no teeth swallowed the peanut whole. The little guy could not pass the legume so zookeeper Zhang Bangsheng stepped in and said, “Hey, you know what? I bet if I lick that monkey’s butt for an hour, he’ll pass the peanut.” His coworkers of course responded, “Whaaaa!?”
The story has a happy and tragic ending. The monkey passed the peanut, but Zhang’s French kissing days are over! Here’s to you Zhang Bangsheng for going below and beyond! And I have four words for you: tons of mouth wash!