May 1, 2014 – The third anniversary of my mother’s death came and went without my notice. The day she left this world holds less significance to me than the days she spent in this world, but I feel duty-bound as her son to pay her homage in some way for the sacrifices she made to give me a fantastic life. So, here is a message she delivered to me in a dream one year after her passing.
You shouldn’t be surprised that a writer with horror leanings would write a post featuring a message from his dead mother on Mother’s Day, but you might be surprised that this isn’t a macabre entry. On April 3 of this year I had a very vivid dream involving my mother. For those of you who don’t know, Mom passed on April 29, 2011. Obviously my subconscious was aware of the coming anniversary of her death, even if my conscious mind had blocked it from my memory. I was blissfully unaware of the coming milestone. So, on April 3, 2012, my Mom visited me. Yes, it was a dream. Yes, the dream was obviously influenced by a program I watched on PBS that night featuring Dr. Wayne Dyer where he spent a significant amount of time talking about the afterlife. But, I can honestly say that it was the most vivid dream I have ever had, and it was perhaps a little more than a dream. It was a message, a message that reveals a little bit more of itself everyday whenever I’m confused about how life is supposed to work.
The dream had many elements that had nothing to do with Mom, but towards the end my Dad and I checked into a hotel in Asheville, NC (a fancy hotel – $400/night). I went to the lobby and Mom was there. She looked healthy and happy. I sat down and talked to her, and very early in our conversation I said, “Hey, wait a minute. You’re dead.” She smiled and said she came back because she knew I was worried about her. Here’s what I remember about our conversation in the dream. (BTW – The wording is to the best of my recollection. She said a lot without saying it if that makes sense. It was as if I could feel the meaning of her answers).
Me: How are you feeling?
Mom: I feel loved. There is no fear on my side. There is only love. There is only a sense of belonging. That is the truth.
Me: Your world sounds much better. Why even have two worlds? Why can’t we all just live in your world?
Mom: You have to learn how to appreciate love before you can live in a world that is only love. You can only learn to appreciate love by going through the trials, tribulations, and triumphs that exist on your side.
Me: Are you always with us? (Us being her family)
Mom: I am with you when you feel and express love. And when I’m with you it’s not how you think. I’m not hovering above you taking notes on what you’re doing or influencing the outcome of some event. I am a part of the channel of love. I have no choice but to be there. We’re all there with you during those moments. If you’re experiencing hardship, focus on love. When you do, you can take comfort that not only am I with you, but that everyone on my side is with you. There is no greater power that can influence the outcome of an event because it won’t change the event itself. It will do much more. It will change you and for the better.
Me: What is love?
Mom: Love is/are those moments when you feel like you belong. The more you do to make someone or something feel like they belong, the more you feel like you belong. They feel loved. You feel loved. That is love.
Me: Is there a God?
Mom: Yes, and God is only different from the rest of us on my side by one simple aspect. There was never a time when God did not appreciate love. God has always known that there is no value in love if you do not appreciate it. God feels infinite joy when the rest of us discover the truth, that the only true state of being is love.
That’s it. That’s all I remember about our conversation. At the end, I could see her fading back to her side. I kept questioning her as she drifted away, and I could see her consulting with the others on her side before she answered. She smiled throughout. She was happier than I have ever seen her. I woke up feeling really good about where Mom is, and I’ll never worry about her again.
BTW – The weird thing is that on the one year anniversary of my mother’s death I sat in a motel lobby with my family, and we all gave a toast in her honor.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Thanks for the message!