Did they clone Gennifer Flowers?

Without making comment on the particulars of Sharon Bialek’s sexual harassment case against Herman Cain, I can’t let the historical moment pass without commenting on the uncanny physical and circumstantial resemblance between Bialek and Gennifer Flowers, Bill Clinton’s extramarital excursion. It’s like there’s a lab where they produce and train blonde women to hold press conferences in an attempt to torpedo presidential campaigns. If this were Hollywood, Flowers would be suing Bialek for copyright infringement.

The Candidate and the Sex Scandal Part Two


Why I Don’t Like Politics

Pucker Up!

Am I reading too much into this ad?  It appears to me that Marco Rubio (I honestly don’t know if he’s Republican, Democrat or other – I don’t live in Florida, so I don’t keep up with the political landscape in the Sunshine state) is subtly playing up the rumors that Charlie Crist is gay (according to documentary on HBO I saw) with this picture of what appears to be the POTUS and the Florida Governor about to engage in a kiss.  At the very least, it certainly looks to be an intimate moment between the two.

My instinct is to wag my finger at Rubio, and publicly shame him for not having the intelligence to make it about the issues.  The whole ad just seems very, very wrong to me.  It reeks of bad taste.  I know it’s supposed to be about Crist leaving the Republican party and becoming an Independent, but it just feels like Rubio is saying much, much more like, “Remember, people think this guy is gay, which probably means he’s totally hot for Obama!”

Maybe it’s just me!

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Health Care – Color Me Confused

Wait, I missed the debate on the pubic option!

I have watched the debate over health care with interest since the first Clinton Administration.  I’ve seen and heard proponents, opponents, ne’er-do-wells, stand-up comics, average Joes, educated folks, etc. argue and plea for and against health care for so long, it’s all melded into one jumbled mess in my brain.  There has been an explosion of information ignited by both sides of the argument for decades, and I have come to one definitive conclusion.  I have been meticulously and earnestly lied to repeatedly by all sides.  This stopped being about doing the right thing a long time ago, and is now just about being right.  The Democrats were looking for a victory, and the Republicans were bent on robbing them of that victory.  The actual bill they fought over didn’t matter.

I am not excited or angry by the passage of the health care bill because I have no idea what the actual pros and cons of the bill are. Both sides claim the other is wrong.  I’m not talking about morally wrong (although there is some of that going on).  Each side has argued the facts that their opponents are using to support their argument are wrong.   How can that be?  Experts are cited and then other experts are cited to counter the other side’s experts.  It’s a dizzying array of pointless growling and chatter.  The debate itself ceased to be a debate a long time ago.  It’s now just a bunch of people shouting at each other.  Honest political debate is as rare as getting a slinky to go back up the stairs.

What’s a confused boy like me to do?  I have decided the only appropriate course of action for me to take is to be disgusted by my government and the political process in this country.  I don’t buy into the discourse that one political party is more at fault than the other.  I think they both suck equally.  And I don’t think it’s a matter of throwing the bums out.  We’ll just elect more bums.  You know why?  Because being a bum is a major qualification for running for political office.  They’re always asking for money, and they always end up spending it to feed their bad habits, which, as far as I can tell, is running for political office.

So, in conclusion, yippee we have health care… and boo we have health care.

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Things you can and can’t say on the floor of the House of Representatives

So, according to House rules, can a nitwit eat Ben & Jerrys Half Baked ice cream the house floor?

So, according to House rules, can a nitwit eat Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream on the house floor?

Been wondering what you can and can’t say on the House floor?  Here’s a partial list from the Committee on Rules:

Under section 370 of the House Rules and Manual it has been held that a Member could:

• refer to the government as “something hated, something oppressive.”
• refer to the President as “using legislative or judicial pork.”
• refer to a Presidential message as a “disgrace to the country.”
• refer to unnamed officials as “our half-baked nitwits handling foreign affairs.”

Likewise, it has been held that a member could not:

• call the President a “liar.”
• call the President a “hypocrite.”
• describe the President’s veto of a bill as “cowardly.”
• charge that the President has been “intellectually dishonest.”
• refer to the President as “giving aid and comfort to the enemy.”
• refer to alleged “sexual misconduct on the President’s part.”

Our half-baked nitwits handling foreign affairs?  How bizarrely specific is that?  Was this a common put down at the time of the writing of the rules?  Can I call someone a nitwit without the half-baked reference, and what if I think someone handling domestic affairs is a half-baked nitwit, am I allowed to say?

We sure do elect really weird and mentally ill people to public office.  Wait… can I say that?

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The President Addresses Congress – We are in desperate need of a change!

Obamas new right hand man!

Obama's new right hand man!

Understand, I enjoy listening to President Obama speak.  I have no problem with him.  I actually made it a point to tune in last night just to hear his oratory skills.  But I have to tell you, Biden and Pelosi ruined the president’s speech last night.   If I wasn’t distracted by the vice president’s hair plugs, I was focused on the speaker of the house’s constant facial tics, and teeth sucking.  I want them removed.  Not from office, just from the very prominent visual position they hold during the president’s various addresses to congress.  I know it’s tradition, but Obama promised us a change, and that’s where I’d like him to now focus his energies.  Change the seating chart before the next speech.  In fact, let me be so bold as to suggest not selecting politicians for those two seats.  Let’s face it; none of us should be subjected to three politicians on camera at the same time for any extended period.  Let me even be bolder by giving my choices for those two seats:

On the right, I think it should be Ricky Gervais.  The guy is that rare combination of funny, offensive, and adorable.  He would be a perfect, but unusual compliment to Obama’s wit, intelligence, and charm.

On the left, Carrot Top.  Why? Because that would be friggin’ hilarious, that’s why.  Yes, he would be distracting, but in a cautionary “the perils of prop comedy” kind of way.  What better way to teach our kids that gluing two toilet paper rolls together and calling the creation “redneck binoculars,” can lead them down a path of unfortunate plastic surgery and steroid use.

There you have it, someone to laugh with and someone to laugh at.  Now that’s a good speech.

That’s my vote.  Feel free to cast your own votes in the comments area.

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Obama is right. We do need a playoff system in major college football.

Yes we can... have a playoff system in major college football!

Yes we can... have a playoff system in major college football!

Confession time – The morning of the presidential election, I was evenly split on the two candidates. Not because I really liked both candidates, but because I was really indifferent towards both candidates. I should point out that I am really unhappy with both political parties so I have no loyalty towards either one. Party affiliation didn’t factor into my vote at all. My enthusiasm for one candidate grew immensely just before I walked out the door to vote, and as you will soon learn, it was for the dumbest reason possible. I had Sports Center on and was about to turn the TV off when they announced the two candidates would be on after the commercial break. I stayed to see if they could say anything to sway me one way or the other. Chris Berman conducted the interview, and it was not hard hitting stuff. Basic mumbo-jumbo about sports heroes and favorite teams, blah, blah, blah. He ended the interview with the question “If you could change one thing in sports, what would it be?” McCain gave the predictable “steroids in sports” answer. But Obama hit a homerun (pardon the sports metaphor). He said he would create a playoff system in Division IA football. My heart skipped a beat. I moved closer to the TV. I listened intently as he explained why he thought the current BCS system is ludicrous. “Go on,” I said. “I’m listening.” The rest is a haze. I think he went on to say that the fans deserve a system that would give them a true national champion. In my mind, I think he even said my name. In fact, at that moment, I pictured Obama and me sipping on a couple of beers at the local sports bar discussing the perfect play-off system. In other words, he had me at playoff system. I couldn’t get to the polls fast enough to vote for Obama.

Stupid, right? There’s a war. The economy is in the dumper. Unemployment is on the rise. Russia hates us again. Oil prices are jumping all over the place. None of it mattered to me as much as hearing a candidate for president of the United States say he wants a playoff system in major college football. Does he have the authority to change the system? No. That doesn’t matter. The fact that he looked me in the eyes (through the TV), and said “Those facocta college presidents are out of their minds for shoving the BCS down the fans’ throats” was reason enough for me to give him my vote.

Dan Wetzel has a great article on Yahoo! Sports with an excellent playoff system proposal. And as he points out, it’s nothing new. It’s the same system the NCAA allows for all other divisions. There’s no reason it can’t work for the top division in football. If you know a president of one of the major colleges, send them a link to the article. And let them know, that POTUS is now part of the playoff crowd. YES WE CAN!

Can President Bush Get Rid of the Zombies Before His Term Ends?

Look, it’s no secret that the zombie problem has escalated during President Bush’s two terms in office. I know the Democrats haven’t helped with their zombiefare program and their low-interest zombie homeowner loans, but I think Bush needs to take this problem head on and get rid of the zombies before Barack Obama takes office. Needless to say, I was thrilled to see this press conference on the White House lawn. The first thing you’ll notice is that he is attacked by the zombie leaning media.

Vote Walken

The mainstream media would have you believe that this election is over.  That a certain charismatic candidate has charmed the American people into a state of pre-election frenzy of hope & change, that the mere act of voting is wholly unnecessary because their candidate will simply ascend to the throne of U.S. Presidency like some angelic entity that is more ethereal than human. 

Vote Now!  Vote Cowbell!

Vote Now! Vote Cowbell!

So, I’m sending out this plea far and wide.  Don’t believe this election is over.  Our candidate can still win.  All you have to do is vote Walken on Tuesday.  If you want more cowbell, this is the only way you’re going to get it.  The other candidates aren’t even talking about cowbell.  Why?  Because they have no cowbell plan.  It’s all war and taxes with those other presidential hopefuls.  Only Walken wants you to have your cowbell.  Let freedom ring!  (In this case freedom is a metaphor for cowbell.  Get it?)   



Palin Related to Princess Diana and Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt

I can see Russia from my cousin Sarahs house.

"I can see Russia from my cousin Sarah's house."

From the world of the mildly interesting, it turns out that GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin is related to Princess Dianna & Franklin Delano Roosevelt.  On the flip side, Democrat presidential candidate Barack Obama is related to Dick Cheney and Brad Pitt.  My question is how small is this friggin’ planet?  Are we all related to each other?  No news on how all the candidates are connected to Kevin Bacon yet.  You can find out more about the candidates and their relations by clicking here:  Sarah Palin related to Princess Diana and Franklin D Roosevelt and here: Palin and Princess Diana Related.