If Gorillas… (Part 2)

If gorillas worked at Olive Garden, their favorite part of the job would be grating the cheese over the customers’ food because let’s face it, grating cheese is fun.

His cheese grating skills are unmatched

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Freaky Search Friday – October 16, 2009 Edition

Was she a babe?  Yes, but shes the wholesome type, people.  Keep your minds out of the gutter!

Was she a babe? Yes, but she's the wholesome type, people. Keep your minds out of the gutter!

Freaky search Friday is here!  Let the freak party roll.  The freaks must be gearing up for Halloween, because they don’t seem to be on the interwebs as much as they have been in the past.   Once again, I’m not judging you.  I’m just laughing at you.

10. helicopter fishing marlin – This is quite the evolved marlin.  And what bait do you use to catch helicopters?

9. zombie how to get rid of them – I’ve found the best way to get rid of zombies is to only serve vegetarian meals. They’ll stop coming around.

8. i smell the dead movie – I suggest cremation or burial.  You may also need to fumigate.

7. coolest gorilla – This one makes me smile.  To think, someone was directed to my site to find the coolest gorilla.  While they probably found this picture, I like to think they were looking for Ajax.  Ajax is the coolest gorilla.  If you don’t know who Ajax is, then this is an awkward moment for both of us.  Read my book and all will be forgiven.

6. what fish carries its babies in its mout – I don’t know the fish, but don’t tell Octomom about this.  She doesn’t exactly make the best decisions when it comes to child rearing.  We don’t need to give her any ideas.

5. jeff goldblum favorite food – According to what I learned about the Jeff from The Fly (My favorite Non-Woody Allen movie with Jeff Goldblum in it), he likes sugary food that he can throw up on. I know I’ve picked on Goldblum a few times on this blog, and I have nothing against him, but I do find it weird that he has such a rabid fan base.  They want to see him shirtless.  They want to know his favorite food.  They want to know his birthday. Blah, blah, blah.  I just never knew he had that kind of following.

4. topless male celebs 2009 – Somebody got tired of searching for shirtless male celebrities one at a time.  There were several queries for shirtless male celebrities this week.  It would be exhausting to include them all.  BTW – Can men be topless?  Topless to me suggests something that it is taboo.  This also reminds me of my favorite newspaper headline.  My brother-in-law saw it in either the Daily News or the Post. I can’t remember which one.  “Headless Body Found in Topless Bar!”

3. degrees of wizardry – While normal people may find this search bizarre, it’s not that crazy.  It is possible to get a degree of wizardry at Flamel College.   It just goes to show you there is a place for everybody.

2. http://www.donnareed nude .com – No joke, there were over half a dozen searches for some variation of the term, Donna Reed nude.    Now, the good news here is that every time some one searches for nude pictures of Donna Reed an angel gets its wings.  Wait for it…. Wait for it… You got it!

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. NASA blows the moon – This is an example of how crucial it is to include every word you intended in an online search.  Without the word “up”, this search has an entirely different meaning.  In all fairness, I think that NASA and the moon are just friends.  If anything, they have engaged in some handholding in the past, but that’s as far as it’s gone.

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Bigfoot’s Body Found

Two police officers in Georgia claim to have the body of Bigfoot. Apparently DNA tests have been done and they are planning to hold a press conference on Friday, August 15. I’m a bigfoot enthusiast, and even I am skeptical. They are only going to have photos at the press conference. Why not produce the body? And for some reason, they are holding the press conference in California even though the body was found in Northern Georgia. I’ll believe it when Dr. Jeff Meldrum gets involved.


***Update:  Ok, this image is included with an article about the find:

Bigfoot In A Box!

Bigfoot In A Box!

If this is really it, it’s a laughable hoax!  Wow!  It’s too bad for words.

Here’s the Fox News report.

What is their end game?  My guess is the press conference will be canceled.

Huge Lowland Gorilla Population Discovered in Africa

Researchers more or less stumbled upon a previously unknown population of 125,000 Lowland gorillas in the Congo.   That number automatically doubles their numbers in the wild.  This is an incredible find, but I’m a little bummed the researchers found them.  History indicates this will do them more harm than good. 

This discovery is not to be confused with the mountain gorillas that are caught in the middle of the charcoal wars that I’ve written about previously.  There are fewer than 700 mountain gorillas left with none existing in captivity.  Something drastic has to be done to save these gorillas.

But it is exceedingly cool that the lowland gorillas are doing much better than we thought.  Makes you wonder what else is out there that we haven’t discovered.