Say hello to C. Hoyt Caldwell and his very beardy face

By the narrowest of margins – I’m talking by one vote – this is the new C. Hoyt Caldwell author photo.  And spoiler alert, the new R.W. Ridley author photo may look very similar because I hate taking author photos.  I do not want to waste a day doing that again. Now I know why I’ve had the same series of photos for 4 years.  The good news is I look 10 years older than I actually am so there’s really no need to take a new photo every year.  Soeth endeth the swimsuit competition portion of our publishing pageant.  Clearly there were no winners here.

I should mention that “Option Brad Pitt” got the most votes by an enormous margin, but as I am not Brad, and he has a team of attorneys, I’m afraid his photo was not an actual option. I’ll work on my six-pack and do my best Brad Pitt pose for the next photo.

The winner by default

The winner by default

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Which author photo will help me sell more books?

And now for something completely narcissistic and my least favorite part of publishing a book, THE AUTHOR PHOTO.  It was really embarrassing when I did the interview for MTSU’s student magazine, the Collage, and I couldn’t find any recent photos of me or even Mia for the article.  The ones on this blog were taken about four years ago, but they were all I had so they were forced to use them.  I’ve been actually trying to take more pictures in my real life so I’ll have something to look back on when I’m old and forgetful (which is about a year away).

That being said, The Closeout Kings will be hitting the market in the coming weeks, and I need a C. Hoyt Caldwell photo to go with the release.  I’ll post what I have below.  Let me know which one you like or if you don’t like any of the choices.  I have no preference.  Remember, I need one that will help me sell books or at the very least not drive readers away.

 

 

Option A

Option A

Option B

Option B

Option C

Option C

Option D

Option D

Option E

Option E

Option F

Option F

Option Brad Pitt

Option Brad Pitt

On a completely self-indulgent note, which author photo do you think I should use?

Part of an author’s life these days is the sometimes torturous task of branding.  Which really translates into, how can I present myself in a way that won’t make people want to punch me or look away in disgust?  Nobody wants to buy books from people they hate.  That’s the first rule of author branding.  So along those lines.  I need your help choosing an author photo for Banshee Worm King: Book Five of the Oz Chronicles.  Using minimal photoshopping to hide nose and ear hairs, I’ve come up with these two possibilities.  Which version of me would you buy a book from?  BTW – As long as it’s conversational, I can totally end a sentence in a preposition.

Me and my old Underwood

Just me

Freaky Search Friday – November 6, 2009 Edition

A picture of Jeff Goldblum in September of 2009, his tall period

Had a wedding today, so my schedule is totally whacked.  I almost missed Freaky Search Friday.  Here they are in all their spectacular glory, the search terms loveable freaks used to find my blog.  Remember, I don’t correct spelling or grammar.  They are how they is.  Enjoy!  BTW – I gave the shirtless celebrities a break.  There were a bunch of them, but it’s no fun including them week after week. 

10. how to be a successful husband – I can help you.  Click here.  A lot of women thought I was being totally condescending and disrespectful.  I wasn’t at all.  I seriously mean to say that I am an idiot who deservedly gets myself in trouble every time I open my mouth or tries to do something on my own.  An example:  My wife can’t have cheese or dairy of any kind.  I bought a “natural” packaged pasta dish thinking she would like it because it was natural.  Never mind that the word cheese was in the actual name of the dish.  We’ve been married for almost 13 years.  I am not that bright.  Remember, be wrong a lot.   

9. chinny photos – I thought I made up a word this week when I called my author photo chinny.  Apparently, chinny is an actual condition.

8. too many facial tattoos – One is too many.

7. did faries exested – I’m about to blow your mind.  Nothing ever exested.  Think about it. 

6. p90x manboobs – What women should know about men.  We don’t mind being fat.  We just don’t like the man boobs phenomenon that comes with the extra pounds.  Beachbody.com (the makers of P90X) should do a 90 day program on how to get rid of unsightly man breasts.  It would be a huge seller. 

5. free naked pics of zak bagans – I’m thinking Zak should be insulted by this search.  Is it not worth at least a couple of dollars to see him naked?  How’s he supposed to be able to afford those tiny shirts he wears if he’s not making some extra scratch from naked pics?  Ghost hunting doesn’t pay that much, people.  Have a heart.

4. tall jeff goldblum, sept, 2009 – As opposed to short Jeff Goldblum.  Was he taller in September 2009 than any other time in his life? 

3. I want to see Ryan Buell nude – I’m endlessly fascinated by the specificity of some people’s searches.  They’re not just searching for a nude image of Ryan Buell.  They want the search engine to know that they specifically want to see Ryan Buell nude.  As if to say, “Work harder, search engine, because I want to see Ryan Buell nude.  I and I alone!”

2. girl face – Talk about someone who doesn’t have a type.  They’re just looking for a girl with a face.  Can you say, easy to please?

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. gigantically man – See Jeff Goldblum in September of 2009.

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My newer new author’s photo, not quite so chinny…

 

new author pic

Photo number 105 of the evening. This is my response to, "Look natural!"

…but something is clearly very fascinating to me out of frame.  The photo I posted yesterday (see below) was swiftly nixed, rebuked, torpedoed, iced, virtually torn to shreds, etc., and so forth and so on.  Apparently, I don’t know an unacceptable picture of me when I see it. 

 

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My new author’s photo is very chinny

authors photo

Raised eyebrow? Check. Scowl? Check. Square chin impression? Check.

I have no idea what I was thinking, so I can’t give you a reason for the dour expression.  Let’s hope I don’t have to shoot more pictures.  I hate it… oh, wait.  Now I know what I was thinking.  BTW – don’t forget to join the Lost Days Facebook Group to find out more about a couple of laptops I’m giving away, and maybe even see more chinny pictures of me.

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My Shirtless Author Photo

Thinking about doing my next author photo bare-chested!  If I’ve learned anything from this blog, it’s that people like shirtless stuff.  The question is what is more important to me, my dignity or my desire to give you male nipplage?  Ahhhh… morale dilemmas.

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