Understand, I enjoy listening to President Obama speak. I have no problem with him. I actually made it a point to tune in last night just to hear his oratory skills. But I have to tell you, Biden and Pelosi ruined the president’s speech last night. If I wasn’t distracted by the vice president’s hair plugs, I was focused on the speaker of the house’s constant facial tics, and teeth sucking. I want them removed. Not from office, just from the very prominent visual position they hold during the president’s various addresses to congress. I know it’s tradition, but Obama promised us a change, and that’s where I’d like him to now focus his energies. Change the seating chart before the next speech. In fact, let me be so bold as to suggest not selecting politicians for those two seats. Let’s face it; none of us should be subjected to three politicians on camera at the same time for any extended period. Let me even be bolder by giving my choices for those two seats:
On the right, I think it should be Ricky Gervais. The guy is that rare combination of funny, offensive, and adorable. He would be a perfect, but unusual compliment to Obama’s wit, intelligence, and charm.
On the left, Carrot Top. Why? Because that would be friggin’ hilarious, that’s why. Yes, he would be distracting, but in a cautionary “the perils of prop comedy” kind of way. What better way to teach our kids that gluing two toilet paper rolls together and calling the creation “redneck binoculars,” can lead them down a path of unfortunate plastic surgery and steroid use.
There you have it, someone to laugh with and someone to laugh at. Now that’s a good speech.
That’s my vote. Feel free to cast your own votes in the comments area.