Most Annoying Celebrity Quote of the Week Award Goes to Lady Gaga!

Lady Gaga's meat dress leads to bear mauling at MTV Video Music Awards

I’ll admit it.  I don’t get Lady Gaga.  The outfits, the… well, it’s mostly the outfits.  I actually don’t think I’ve listened to enough of her music to comment on it.  Her brand is a laboratory mixture of Madonna, Cher, and Elton John. In the past,  I didn’t mind her enough to comment on her because I wasn’t exposed to her that much, but she’s been dominating all forms of media this week, and none of it has been coverage about her talent.  It’s all been about that stupid meat dress she wore at the MTV awards show.  Oye, that dress.  That stupid, stupid dress.  Turns out she didn’t wear it because she wanted to attract bears.  It was a political statement.  The statement?  She’s showing support for her fans who’ve been kicked out of the military because of an equally stupid don’t ask don’t tell policy in the military.  That’s right she wore a dress made out of meat to protest don’t ask don’t tell.  Meat…. discrimination against gays in the military…. don’t help me…. I think I can figure this out…. is the meat gay?  Oh, wait!  I see the problem.  It doesn’t make sense!

She revealed this brilliantly lame excuse to Ellen DeGeneres earlier this week, and this is where she said one of the most annoying, self-congratulatory, egotistical things I’ve heard a celebrity say in a long time.

“As you know, I am the most judgment-free human being on the earth.”

Really?  So, in Lady Gaga’s JUDGMENT she’s the most judgment-free human being on the earth.  That is an odd thing for someone who is protesting something to say.  Protesting usually comes with a heightened sense of judgment. And is the Dalai Lama aware that he’s been judged more judgmental than Lady Gaga by Lady Gaga.

As far as what she’s protesting, I happen to agree with her in this case.  Don’t ask don’t tell is unbelievably stupid, but c’mon, surely there’s a better spokesperson out there than someone who wears a meat dress as a sign of solidarity.  It’s like the Rubiks Cube of protests.   Who the hell can figure it out?

I clearly am not the most judgment-free human being on the earth.  Now, if you’ll excuse me.  I’m late for my fitting for my ice cream suit to protest whaling.  Don’t judge me!

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Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

"Yes, Dwight there is a Santa Claus, and he knows more about Bear attacks than you!"

My editorial on Mr. Church’s editorial: I’m not a hugely sentimental guy, but this letter gets to me every time I read it.  It expresses in perfect language the absolute importance of believing in the good in life and ultimately people.  The Oz Chronicles books, as bloody and scary as they are, express the same thing.  I realize this won’t mean much to those of you who haven’t read the books, but for those of you who have, you should know that Stevie picked Oz as his warrior not because he was strong, or smart, or good – in fact, Oz treats Stevie terribly.  Stevie picks Oz because he sees the magic in him, the good.  Mr. Church is much more concise and congenial in his defense of the good in man, but I assure you we essentially are saying the same thing. 

Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah!  Happy Kwanzaa!  Merry Buddhist Day!  Good Hindu Holidays!  Happy Good Merry Muslim Celebration!  What every your beliefs, party like you’re at a Scranton party because everyone knows there ain’t no party like a Scranton party!

By Francis P. Church, first published in The New York Sun in 1897.

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

Dear Editor—

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

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