Wait, I missed the debate on the pubic option!
I have watched the debate over health care with interest since the first Clinton Administration. I’ve seen and heard proponents, opponents, ne’er-do-wells, stand-up comics, average Joes, educated folks, etc. argue and plea for and against health care for so long, it’s all melded into one jumbled mess in my brain. There has been an explosion of information ignited by both sides of the argument for decades, and I have come to one definitive conclusion. I have been meticulously and earnestly lied to repeatedly by all sides. This stopped being about doing the right thing a long time ago, and is now just about being right. The Democrats were looking for a victory, and the Republicans were bent on robbing them of that victory. The actual bill they fought over didn’t matter.
I am not excited or angry by the passage of the health care bill because I have no idea what the actual pros and cons of the bill are. Both sides claim the other is wrong. I’m not talking about morally wrong (although there is some of that going on). Each side has argued the facts that their opponents are using to support their argument are wrong. How can that be? Experts are cited and then other experts are cited to counter the other side’s experts. It’s a dizzying array of pointless growling and chatter. The debate itself ceased to be a debate a long time ago. It’s now just a bunch of people shouting at each other. Honest political debate is as rare as getting a slinky to go back up the stairs.
What’s a confused boy like me to do? I have decided the only appropriate course of action for me to take is to be disgusted by my government and the political process in this country. I don’t buy into the discourse that one political party is more at fault than the other. I think they both suck equally. And I don’t think it’s a matter of throwing the bums out. We’ll just elect more bums. You know why? Because being a bum is a major qualification for running for political office. They’re always asking for money, and they always end up spending it to feed their bad habits, which, as far as I can tell, is running for political office.
So, in conclusion, yippee we have health care… and boo we have health care.
Obama's new right hand man!
Understand, I enjoy listening to President Obama speak. I have no problem with him. I actually made it a point to tune in last night just to hear his oratory skills. But I have to tell you, Biden and Pelosi ruined the president’s speech last night. If I wasn’t distracted by the vice president’s hair plugs, I was focused on the speaker of the house’s constant facial tics, and teeth sucking. I want them removed. Not from office, just from the very prominent visual position they hold during the president’s various addresses to congress. I know it’s tradition, but Obama promised us a change, and that’s where I’d like him to now focus his energies. Change the seating chart before the next speech. In fact, let me be so bold as to suggest not selecting politicians for those two seats. Let’s face it; none of us should be subjected to three politicians on camera at the same time for any extended period. Let me even be bolder by giving my choices for those two seats:
On the right, I think it should be Ricky Gervais. The guy is that rare combination of funny, offensive, and adorable. He would be a perfect, but unusual compliment to Obama’s wit, intelligence, and charm.
On the left, Carrot Top. Why? Because that would be friggin’ hilarious, that’s why. Yes, he would be distracting, but in a cautionary “the perils of prop comedy” kind of way. What better way to teach our kids that gluing two toilet paper rolls together and calling the creation “redneck binoculars,” can lead them down a path of unfortunate plastic surgery and steroid use.
There you have it, someone to laugh with and someone to laugh at. Now that’s a good speech.
That’s my vote. Feel free to cast your own votes in the comments area.
The mainstream media would have you believe that this election is over. That a certain charismatic candidate has charmed the American people into a state of pre-election frenzy of hope & change, that the mere act of voting is wholly unnecessary because their candidate will simply ascend to the throne of U.S. Presidency like some angelic entity that is more ethereal than human.
Vote Now! Vote Cowbell!
So, I’m sending out this plea far and wide. Don’t believe this election is over. Our candidate can still win. All you have to do is vote Walken on Tuesday. If you want more cowbell, this is the only way you’re going to get it. The other candidates aren’t even talking about cowbell. Why? Because they have no cowbell plan. It’s all war and taxes with those other presidential hopefuls. Only Walken wants you to have your cowbell. Let freedom ring! (In this case freedom is a metaphor for cowbell. Get it?)
You don’t have to be a supporter of Obama to appreciate this ad because it reunites the Wassup dudes from the Budweiser commercials that were so popular 8 years ago. This is clever and nostalgic.
Walken for Prez!
Recently, I came out in support of Sam Masterson for president. I only did this because I was unaware that there actually are other candidates running for President of the United States. I now regret that endorsement. I am announcing today that I am withdrawing my support for Masterson and throwing the entire weight of my much sought after endorsement behind Christopher Walken. I do this for many reasons. I am a fan of Mr. Walken. I do a very bad impression of Mr. Walken. I’m terrified that if I don’t support him he will hunt me down and shoot me dead. Most of all I’m supporting him because of his platform. It is as follows:
How can I not vote for the man?
I am officially in the Sean Masterson camp.
William Henry Harrison thought it was a good idea, too.
Obama, the next time you want to play the “big man” and give a speech in the cold without a coat under a driving rain, remember these three words: William Henry Harrison. And the one lesson you should learn from the video below is never explain historical events under the influence of alcohol.