Freaky Search Friday on Saturday… Sunday, December 19… 20, 2009 Edition

Maybe you'd like to ask Mr. Cougar where humans are on the food chain!

Oye, am I late.  But the freaks are a forgiving bunch.  Here they are in all their glory.  The weird, freaky, and sometimes adorable search terms people used to find my blog.  If you see yours on here, remember, I’m not judging you, but everyone else is. 

10. nicely played, mr stephen king – I like this one because it’s worded in such a way to give the impression that this person was in the middle of an actual conversation with Stephen King.  Nicely played, anonymous googler.

9. bigfoot face to face – Sounds like a promo for an Oprah show.  “Coming up next, Bigfoot face-to-face.” 

8. stefanie meyer – Spelling fail.  Most people get the last name wrong.  Way to be different, anonymous googler. 

7. ed asner bare chested – Not shirtless, but bare chested.  It almost makes Ed Asner come off as sexy… Oh, man, now I’m really going to get some freaky search terms torpedoing my blog.

6. successful husband – Quick tell my wife that someone searching for a successful husband was directed to my blog… On second thought don’t.  Then I’ll have to explain why everyone looking for a shirtless Ed Anser is directed to my blog.

5. christorpher walking fat boy slim – You see why spelling matters?  Now everyone thinks Fatboy Slim has a bladder problem and some guy named Christopher is forced to walk him.  Okay, that’s what I think, anyway.  

4. where do humans come on the food chain – What an odd question.   I guess it’s useful information if you’re about to walk into the jungle or dive into the waters off the coast of Australia, but my impression is that most people searching for this kind of information on the internet aren’t really putting themselves in places where predators lurk about. 

3. peyton manning shirtless – Peyton’s first appearance on the shirtless charts.  I’m sure he’ll cherish this forever.

2. jerry seinfeld nude – And I thought Jerry Seinfeld shirtless was bad.  Seriously, we all know Seinfeld pretty well by now.  Does he seem like the kind of guy who would have nude pictures of himself lying around anywhere?

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. zak bagans hairy pits picture – Ewww and yuk and barf nuggets.  Really?   Sometimes I imagine that celebrities are so insecure that they google weird stuff about themselves.  I almost believe that Zak was out one night, and he noticed that his hairy pits were showing so he hurried home to see if any of the paparazzi got a picture of it.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine

Freaky Search Friday – December 4, 2009

I give you clown badman... I mean zombie tattoo face... or is that Willem Defoe?

Freaky Search Friday is back. HEY-HO-HEY-HO-HEY-HO, We were on a brief break due to the holidays, but the freaks didn’t go anywhere.  They were out there tapping unusual words and phrases into their favorite search engine, waiting to be led to a website that would satisfy their morbid curiosity.  Instead, they wound up here where they probably felt ridiculed and judged.   Just because I call you freaks doesn’t mean I don’t love you.  Me blog es su blog!

bad gorillas – How do you discipline a 400 pound gorilla?  No, seriously.  I really want to know.  My gorilla’s be acting up lately.

man tattoos – Gender assigned tattoos? 

3300 pound stingray video – That is a huge video. 

clown badman – If you ignore the spelling, this may be the greatest oxymoron ever to appear anywhere. 

zombie tattoo face – What a great name for a rock band.  Ladies and gentleman, Zombie Face Tattoo! 

who’s as good a writer as suzanne Collin – There are few writer’s as good as Suzanne Collin’s.  She’s one of a kind, but since you here, you might as well check out my books. 

willem defoe ugly – Now that is uncalled for.  Sure, I’ve called him less than attractive before, but it’s endearing when I say it.  You’re just a jerk.

don’t sell me anything – Okay, don’t perform voluntary surgery on me or give me a haircut or shave my back…. Well, how much to shave my back?

cat wig book – Let me get this straight.  Cat’s wear wigs, and there’s a book about it.  And to think, I thought all they did was throw up every 15 minutes for no apparent reason. 

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

 picture of gorilla ass – This has appeared on the list before, and sadly versions of the search came up a couple of times this week.  Guys, I like gorillas a lot, but this kind of thing is wrong.  Way wrong.  It couldn’t be wronger.  Stop it.  Stick to your own primate species. 

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine

Freaky Search Friday – September 25, 2009 Edition

I am not, nor have I ever been a woman!

Ugly Evolution or Hottest Man Alive?

My favorite day of the week is here!  Not because it kicks off the weekend, but because I get to write my Freaky Search Friday weekly post.  Lest you think otherwise, I love all you freak out there.  You’ve made my blogging life interesting.  Keeping freaking it up!  These are the top ten freakiest search terms people used to find my blog this past week.  Enjoy!

10. маленькие татуировки –Gobidy-goop to you, too.  I think it’s Russian.  If so, it makes perfect sense for my blog to find its way in this persons search results.  I’m known for my Russian prose.

9. evolution photos, ugly to pretty – Sure Australopithecus africanus is no runway model, but ugly?  That’s kind of harsh.

8. monster suit – For that very special meeting when just a normal suit won’t do.

7. is jeff goldblum sick? – That depends on what you mean by sick!  Oh, rim shot!

6. what are nice pauses in a story – I wouldn’t know. All my story pauses are vicious.

5. carrot head steroids & carrot head plastic surgery– The man spends years developing an act and a style and people still can’t get his name right.  It’s Carrot Top!  Carrot head is just ridiculous.

4. poop identifier – Identifying poop must be a growth industry because someone searched for “animal poop identifier” last week.   There is such a thing as too much information.

3.  poop in your car – I just don’t think I can do it.  I can’t even poop on a plane.

2. leatherboobs.com – Wow!  That is taking the concept of fake breasts way too far.  I guess technically that a cow’s utter could be considered leather boobs.  Or is that boob?

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. hottest man alive – It’s my Russian roots that make me so damn good looking.  I can’t help but feel this persons absolute frustration when they clicked on my blog expecting to find the hottest man alive.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine