If Gorillas… (Part 20)

If gorillas were used as mall Santas, that would be awesome!  The kids would be terrified, but I would so get my picture taken with gorilla mall Santa.

Ho-ho-hopefully malls will get smart and only hire gorillas as Santa!

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If Gorillas… (Part 9)

If gorillas dress up as giant birds, it’s usually because they didn’t read the fine print on their personal appearance contracts.  Man, there is nothing sadder than a gorilla moping around in a giant bird costume.  Makes you think, doesn’t it?  The world is a cruel, cruel place.

"Get my agent on the phone!"

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If Gorillas… (Part 8)

"Dude, I cannot believe you don't have fangs!"

If gorillas see Robert Pattinson, they shout, “Fangs!  Fangs, Pattinson!  Vampires have fangs, you jerk!  And they don’t sparkle!”  Then they open their mouths to show him what they mean by fangs.  They never bite him though… not a lot.

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If Gorillas… (Part 7)

If gorillas have to spend the day with Paris Hilton, they carry Purell with them because… well, you know, she’s gross.  I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Purell in hand - A young gorilla can never be too safe!

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If Gorillas…


"And our Product Replacement Plan provides comprehensive coverage and easy fulfillment from day one."

If gorillas worked at Best Buy, I bet they’d sell more extended warranties on major appliances than all the other employees. Gorillas are all about the upsell.

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