Merry Christmas from Gorilla Claus!
If gorillas were used as mall Santas, that would be awesome! The kids would be terrified, but I would so get my picture taken with gorilla mall Santa.
If gorillas were in that TV show Glee, I’d totally watch it. In fact, I’d watch pretty much anything if it had a gorilla in it… Except Two and Half Men. That show sucks so bad not even a gorilla could save it.
If Gorillas join the police force, it’s usually to serve and protect the rest of us from hyper-annoying reality TV stars like Snooki.
If gorillas are invited to a protest, they always bring the same stupid sign – More Bananas! They think it’s funny.
If gorillas dress up as giant birds, it’s usually because they didn’t read the fine print on their personal appearance contracts. Man, there is nothing sadder than a gorilla moping around in a giant bird costume. Makes you think, doesn’t it? The world is a cruel, cruel place.
If gorillas see Robert Pattinson, they shout, “Fangs! Fangs, Pattinson! Vampires have fangs, you jerk! And they don’t sparkle!” Then they open their mouths to show him what they mean by fangs. They never bite him though… not a lot.
If gorillas have to spend the day with Paris Hilton, they carry Purell with them because… well, you know, she’s gross. I mean that in the nicest possible way.
If gorillas worked at Olive Garden, their favorite part of the job would be grating the cheese over the customers’ food because let’s face it, grating cheese is fun.
If gorillas worked at Best Buy, I bet they’d sell more extended warranties on major appliances than all the other employees. Gorillas are all about the upsell.