I Considered Beating Up an Old Woman With Bad Feet.

The dangers of picking up old ladies who just had foot surgery.

I blame our cynical world.  Just as I was about to pull out of a parking space yesterday, I was surprised by an elderly woman knocking on my driver side window. I may have screamed… in a very manly way.  I rolled down the window, and she explained to me she had just had surgery on her feet, and she would really appreciate a ride to the mall so she wouldn’t have to walk the whole way.  The following is a transcript of the conversation I had in my head immediately after she made the request:

Me 1: Dude, you’re not supposed to give strangers rides.

Me 2: Says who?

Me 1: Mom.

Me 2: That was when I was 16.  I’m 44, now.  I don’t think the same rules apply.

Me 1: She’s going to totally kill you.

Me 2: Look at her.  She’s old and frail.  I could totally take her if she tried anything.

Me 1: What if she has a gun?

Me 2: Her? She looks like somebody’s grandmother.

Me 1: That is the perfect cover for a serial killer.

Me 1: Serial killers are almost always men. Don’t you pay attention when we watch Dexter?

Me 2: What about that Charlize Theron movie?  She was a serial killer in that.

Me 1: Oh, yeah.  Forgot about that one.  She was a hooker, and she only killed her johns.  I think I’ll be okay as long as I don’t offer her money in exchange for sex.

Me 2: Dude, you’ve been staring at her for like a minute and a half without saying a word. You have to give her an answer.

Me 1 (to elderly lady): Sure.  Get in.

Me 2: Stick to the main road.  Think like a cat.  She pulls a gun, pounce before she can react.  Her reflexes have probably slowed over the years.

It is so sad that I suffer from that amount of paranoia.  Maybe it’s the books I write, or the movies I watch, or the cable news networks, but when did this become the kind a society where I have to come up with a plan of action to defend myself against a gun wielding elderly woman who just had foot surgery?  All ended well.  I dropped her off at her destination and there was almost no gun play involved.

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Is Bigfoot Circumcised?

Ok, this Yellow Top Bigfoot saga is getting weirder and weirder by the day.  I’ve posted a few Youtube clips that show a Bigfoot-like creature walking through the woods.  It was shot by a couple of guys who turn out to be filmmakers so eyebrows were raised from the outset, but they’ve posted a new video attempting to discredit their own video because of the creatures “manhood.”  Look, the video is obviously a hoax, but I have to say, the hoax also feels like a hoax.  Something doesn’t quite mesh for me on this.  Watch the video below, and judge for yourself. 

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New Bigfoot Video

Is it the big ape or just a really hairy redneck? I have my opinion, but it’s just an opinion. It’s not based on anything other than gut. BTW – this is the really cool thing about writing science fiction/fantasy type stuff. I get to keep abreast of all this crap, and not be considered a total freak. I’m doing it for my art and job. It’s all in the name of research. Don’t Judge. And to give credit where credit is due, I initially found this video on Loren Coleman’s Cryptomundo blog.

Update:  Wow, the video has already been removed!  What up with that?

Update 2: It’s back up!  Why are they playing with my emotions like this?  I won’t be treated this way!