J.J. Abrams calls a press conference to declare his love for Lost Days, and Ricky Gervais tries to get me to crack up during an impassioned plea from Abrams to direct the film version of the book. No one knows why Hayden Panettiere showed up, and no one was complaining. You just never know who’s going to show up in a Photoshopped picture at a Hollywood press conference.
You’ve probably heard by now that the Farrelly brothers are making a Three Stooges movie. From what I understand, the movie isn’t about the lives of Moe Horwitz, Jerry Horwitz and Larry Fineberg. The movie is a modern day version of a Moe, Larry and Curly short. So, of course, Bobby and Peter went out and cast comedic heavy weights to star in the movie, Benicio Del Toro as Moe and Sean Penn as Larry. Curly will be played by Jim Carrey, which is okay, but a little too obvious. Far be it for me to question Mr. Farrelly and Mr. Farrelly respectively, but WHAT?! Del Toro and Penn are two of today’s finest actors, but… Moe and Larry they ain’t. True, Penn probably played the greatest high school stoner in the history of movies with his brilliant portrayal of Jeff Spicoli in the 1982 classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but he’s since gone on to play a plethora a dark and scary characters that make it impossible to see him as the loveable Larry Fine. And Del Toro…Hello, the Usual Suspects, Traffic, Big Top Pee-wee… um, Moe Howard didn’t have that kind of range.
I like the idea of casting outside of the box. I think that’s brilliant, but I would stay within the comedy family to do it. With that in mind, I submit my selection for The Three Stooges movie.
Understand, I enjoy listening to President Obama speak. I have no problem with him. I actually made it a point to tune in last night just to hear his oratory skills. But I have to tell you, Biden and Pelosi ruined the president’s speech last night. If I wasn’t distracted by the vice president’s hair plugs, I was focused on the speaker of the house’s constant facial tics, and teeth sucking. I want them removed. Not from office, just from the very prominent visual position they hold during the president’s various addresses to congress. I know it’s tradition, but Obama promised us a change, and that’s where I’d like him to now focus his energies. Change the seating chart before the next speech. In fact, let me be so bold as to suggest not selecting politicians for those two seats. Let’s face it; none of us should be subjected to three politicians on camera at the same time for any extended period. Let me even be bolder by giving my choices for those two seats:
On the right, I think it should be Ricky Gervais. The guy is that rare combination of funny, offensive, and adorable. He would be a perfect, but unusual compliment to Obama’s wit, intelligence, and charm.
On the left, Carrot Top. Why? Because that would be friggin’ hilarious, that’s why. Yes, he would be distracting, but in a cautionary “the perils of prop comedy” kind of way. What better way to teach our kids that gluing two toilet paper rolls together and calling the creation “redneck binoculars,” can lead them down a path of unfortunate plastic surgery and steroid use.
There you have it, someone to laugh with and someone to laugh at. Now that’s a good speech.
That’s my vote. Feel free to cast your own votes in the comments area.