Recently, I came out in support of Sam Masterson for president. I only did this because I was unaware that there actually are other candidates running for President of the United States. I now regret that endorsement. I am announcing today that I am withdrawing my support for Masterson and throwing the entire weight of my much sought after endorsement behind Christopher Walken. I do this for many reasons. I am a fan of Mr. Walken. I do a very bad impression of Mr. Walken. I’m terrified that if I don’t support him he will hunt me down and shoot me dead. Most of all I’m supporting him because of his platform. It is as follows:
How can I not vote for the man?