“r.w. ridley” shirtless – The brief return of Freaky Search Friday

Technically this is a picture of R.W. Ridley shirtless. Never say I don't give the public what it wants.

Freaky Search Friday hasn’t made an appearance on the blog in long time. To be frank, the same freaky stuff started reappearing over and over again. It got harder coming up with lame jokes for the same terms, and also, a little piece of my humanity died with each freaky search term. As a reminder, these are the search terms people have used to find my blog. I don’t know how these search terms led them to my blog. I suppose I may be the source of the freakish debris that is hitting my blog, but you can’t prove that… unless you read my blog.

  • hillary clinton reptile – Meet the latest cryptozoological craze. The Hillary Clinton reptile is a 5’4” lizard that never stands by its man and has a habit of secretly deposing Middle Eastern dictatorships. It’s been frequently photographed and it’s also been caught on several videos in front of microphones donning increasingly youthful hairdos to conceal its withering opportunities of becoming POTUS.
  • lady gaga in a bear – For her next tour, Lady Gaga will perform live inside a bear, or if the bear chooses to chew before swallowing, she will be just dead inside a bear. Either way, the tour will make millions.
  • fat crazy woman in straight jacket – For the record, I have never been a fat crazy woman. I have worn a straight jacket on a number of occasions, however. I find it’s the perfect garment when you want to save time hugging yourself.
  • megan fox caught – It’s about time someone caught her. She’s been running amok through overhyped big budget Hollywood films for far too long. I wonder if they used a clichéd script and a low-carb craft services table as bait?
  • “r.w. ridley” shirtless – I’m honored. Someone searched for me shirtless. I feel like I’m somebody now. Just for the record, there are very few shirtless pictures of me that exist, and I think the world is a better place for it. However, if money gets tight, I will return that call from Playgirl and finally agree to do that spread… what do you mean Playgirl went out of business?
  • chuck testa shirtless – Nope. It’s just Chuck Testa. Crap! So much for thinking I’m part of an elite group. If you people want to see Chuck shirtless, you want to see anybody shirtless. Okay, I’ll admit it. I kind of want to see him shirtless, too.
  • zombie children – Sure they’re kind of bitey, but they’re much easier to raise than live children. They leave you with so much free time because they never get invited to birthday parties, and forget about having to drive them all over town going to all those pesky extracurricular activities because zombie children usually don’t have the hand-eye coordination or viable brain function to participate in those sorts of things.
  • dog in meditation – I’m a transcendentalist, but even I think this is crazy.
  • nasa wants to blow up the moon – In their defense, it does kind of get in the way when you trying look at stuff in space. Stupid moon.
  • old people clowns – Internet traveler, meet the world’s most disturbing fetish.

Freaky Search Friday – October 30, 2009 Edition

Jeff George was Jay Cutler before Jay Cutler was Jay Cuter!

This week’s Freaky Search Friday is decidedly less freaky than previous weeks.  There were a lot of shirtless male celebrity searches, and for some reason people want to see Donna Reed and Ed Asner nude.  And apparently identifying animal poop is really a popular activity because it hit the list this week again.  I decided to sprinkle in a few repeat searches that aren’t freaky, but they come up week after week.  I’ll do my best to give these poor souls some answers to their very pressing questions.

10. win a laptop facebook 2009 november – Admittedly, I’m only including this one because it allows me to promote my drawing for a free laptop.  Join the Lost Days Facebook group to learn more!

9. walken ridley – Not freaky.  It just gave me an idea what to name my first child (should I ever have one), Walken Zombie Ridley.  It works for a boy or a girl.  Why Zombie?  Do you have to ask?

8. greatest meltdown ever – I’ve learned two things from this blog.  People want to see as much famous people’s skin as they can, and People love to watch other people suffer.  The greatest thing that could ever happen to society is if a naked celebrity freaks out.  That would be interwebs gold.

7. when are you supposed to take pictures – I find the best time to take pictures is when I have a camera.  I’ve tried it without one, and I was really disappointed in the results… Unless you’re talking about stealing a picture.  In that case, I’d wait until no one’s looking.

6. fantasy clown dresses – Could there possibly be such a thing as a fantasy clown dress?  In what twisted mind would a clown dress be a fantasy?   I think I’d rather see Ed Asner nude.

5. time travel cases – This exact wording comes up over and over again.  Let me clear this up for those of you who are searching for time travel cases.  There are none!  Time travel is impossible.  I am 100% sure about this because if time travel was possible it would have happened already.   Try to follow me on this one.  Logic dictates that once the time travel barrier is broken, time no longer is a barrier to the ability to travel through time, so time travel will always have existed at that point and every point in time.

4 . jay cutler record – Sucks!  This search appears probably about half a dozen times a week.  Jay Cutler has good skills, but he is not a good quarterback.    Unless he checks his ego at the door, he will never be a winner in the NFL.  He has the worst attitude in the NFL since Jeff George.

3. jeff goldblum shirtless jurassic park – This week’s shirtless celebrity is the king of charmingly awkward acting.  Everyone knows that the Jurassic period had the best shirtless celebrities.

2. top 5 world of warcraft meltdowns – I’ve never seen a game cause such Agmas Nefesh.  Meltdowns have become synonymous with World of Warcraft!  I’ve never played, but I feel like I’m suffering from secondary World of Warcraft meltdowns.  I think they should be required to include a warning label with this game.

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. jerry seinfeld nude – This week’s nude celebrity is the king of observational humor.   “You ever notice when you’re famous people want to see you nude for some reason?  What is wrong with these people?” (Kind of a mixture of Andy Rooney and Jerry Seinfeld.  My impressions even suck in writing.)

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine